Dear friend,

You’ve heard the old saying, “Nice guys (or girls) finish last.”

If you’re reading this, I bet you’ve felt that way a time or two.

That sting of disappointment when you’ve been dismissed as second choice.  Or third. Or fourth.  Or not considered at all.

It could be at work, church, when you’re dating, or life in general…

You work harder, you do a good job, you do what you’re supposed to…

You live “right.”

And you still don’t measure up.  Your desires still go unfulfilled.

You still don’t get the job…
You still don’t get the promotion…
You still don’t get the guy/girl…
That particular group of people still won’t accept you…
You still can’t get pregnant…

There came a point a few months back when I decided being “good” and living “right” wasn’t worth it anymore.

Because how can you continuously try so hard only to keep falling short?

How can you keep praying to a God that seems to be ignoring you?  Who won’t answer you?

I decided I couldn’t.  I wouldn’t do it anymore.
I didn’t quit believing, but I did decide that kind of God just didn’t deserve my attention.

And besides, it seemed to be working for everyone else.

In Matthew 5:16, Jesus tells us to “be the light.”

But it seemed the pool of darkness and sin was more appealing to everyone else, so I decided to dip my feet in… try it out and give in to those worldly things we were warned against.

You quit praying.  Quit going to church.
Don’t reach out to your friends, because you don’t want to hear it.

And there is only one word I have to describe the way I felt.


Because living in that darkness brought guilt, and anger, and worry, and loneliness, and discontentment.

Because it’s exhausting holding on for dear life when you’re riding a roller coaster of emotions.

So, like tired people do, I slept a lot.  And I laid on the couch.  And I indulged in mindless Netflix binging, and junk food, and an endless stream of social media posts that I couldn’t measure up to.

If there had been a hole for me to crawl in, I would have done just that.

I write all of this to say, do not let these hard situations dim your light.

Or dull your sparkle.
Or steal your sunshine.

Or whatever catchy phrase it is that you choose to use.

It so easy to, though.
Because you tried so hard, and you still weren’t the chosen one…

It. is. not. your. fault.

When you are good to someone, and they continue to tear you down…

That says more about them than you.

When the desires of your heart continuously go unfulfilled…

That’s not your fault either. 

I know it’s hard to believe, especially in the moment… because you suddenly feel that you’re not enough.  Your efforts were pointless.  You must be undeserving.

And so maybe you slowly crawl back inside yourself.

Or maybe you just wake up one day and give life a big ole proverbial finger and walk away from it all.

Or maybe you turn to something to numb the pain…

Or maybe you’re not there yet, but you’re just so tired and discouraged and it doesn’t feel good…

But hear me when I say…
You keep running toward that light we were called to be.

As for whatever is trying to extinguish your flame…

Maybe it’s time to close that door and cut those ties.
Maybe it’s time to quit trying so hard and just let it be for a while.
Maybe it’s time to lay those worries down at the cross and trust God’s timing.

I know you’ve heard it before and you’re rolling your eyes.

But keep praying for those people.  Keep praying about your situation.

Pray for yourself, too.

For peace, contentment, and trust as you wait on those desires of your heart to be fulfilled.

And keep shining your light.
It is not easy, but it is worth it.

Your friend who’s been there,


Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue  to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.”  Hebrews 10:36


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